Five months!

Brennan will be 5 months old tomorrow. He's 3 months corrected and has been home for 3 months today. I have been a mom for 5 months already! That's so crazy. One year ago, I had given up hope of becoming pregnant. We went to foster parent orientation, got our finger prints done...and then came Brennan! This is a recurring theme in my life: I try to do something, make something happen, on my own until I finally give up and say, "Fine, God, I can't do this. YOU have to do it, take this over for me. YOU do whatever is best for me, and I'll follow." And lo and behold...it all works out! You'd think I'd learn, but I still go about trying to do things my way! I think it's finally drilled into my head now though. At least I hope so!

Brennan is absolutely perfect. He's just so adorable, I want to eat him up! How such a beautiful baby came out of this mama, I will never know. Must be his daddy's fault! B is finally consistently eating more at a time, usually around 4 ounces. He still wakes up at 2 or 3 to eat though. We're trying to stuff him before he goes to bed, so hopefully soon he'll get the hang of long nights and we can move him to his own room. He's also doing great holding his head up! He gets tired pretty quickly and starts fussing, but now that he can do it, he's determined to! He keeps his head up, bobbing in the air, as long as he possibly can. He's also starting to try and roll over. He's nowhere near actually doing it, but it's fun to watch him wiggle around, figuring out what he can do and how all these limbs work. This weekend he did roll over once, but he had a head start - he was propped up on a slant, so it was mostly gravity. I can't wait until he starts crawling around, but at the same time, I want him to stay little! The past few days I have been going through and organizing his next size clothes, because he's finally outgrowing his 3 month clothes. It makes me sad, because who knows if I will ever get to use clothes that small again! I hope I do.

I am planning on getting a pump soon, getting my A1c down to below 6%, and then thinking about trying again. Maybe we'll just do foster care though, I really don't know. It's driving me nuts, not having a concrete plan, but I am trying to go with the flow. I have an appointment soon with my diabetes educator do pick out a pump and get going on paper work. I have done this so many times so far, but never went through with it, because I either chicken out or (usually) I don't do enough bloodsugars. The pump company requires a month's worth of bloodsugars before you get the pump, and you need to test a minimum of 4 times a day. I just never did it that often! Bad diabetic, I know. When I got pregnant I started testing a lot more, but after B was born I didn't take care of myself - didn't eat much at first, didn't take care of my diabetes, etc. Just went to the hospital every day - that was my life for 2 months. So I got out of the habit again. This Monday, I taped a bloodsugar log to the kitchen cabinet, and taped a sheet of stickers above it. Every day this week that I do 3 b.s., I get a sticker for the day. When I get a week or two of consecutive stickers, I win a prize! So far I have three stickers! Wish me luck!